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Fear of Writing

So here I am writing and doing what scares me the most. Often times I procrastinate to avoid this heart-wrenching task but it only provides momentary escape before I'm reminded of this daunting task. Don't get me wrong I enjoy writing, but like in my diary where no one can see it. Space where no one else opinions matter but mine. I strongly disliked being graded in school on how well I wrote because I felt like it stifled my creativity in a way, given prompts and text I had to write about. I also had to write in a certain structure and somehow be grammatically correct, which is where most of my fear stemmed from. Obeying writing rules is death to writing the way I know-how.

"I don't know how to write the way y'all want me too!"

Writing to me is a language of expression. And my writing style is simply different from the norm.  I struggled with that as I began to compare my writing to others and to those I would read about and felt greatly discouraged from it. 

So here I am writing and doing what scares me the most. I've struggled a lot with basing my worth and value on what other people thought about me. It silenced my voice for so many years. I have a reputation to keep up with and if my truth is heard it might be tainted.  My status that I have built will be taken away from me. I don't like being vulnerable and open. And putting myself in the position of being criticized and judged. I dislike it so much but this is where God is pointing me to.

I don't know why He would be leading me to something I CAN'T DO.

But for every “ I can’t “  God has been teaching me to replace with “He can!” It’s God speaking through my writing, not me. This is His writing space/platform, not mine. God is my inspiration and gives me thoughts to ponder over that I eventually write down.

So, In faith, I write this so that all glory and honor may go back to God. I'm singing in the victory and I know that this too will be my testimony of His faithfulness. I will write even though I don't feel like it so that He gets the glory. May I decrease so that He can increase and be my focus point. It's not about me or what I want but honoring my God. I will trust that He will lead the way as I venture out into the unknown. I don't know what will come out of this, but I'm going to be obedient and watch Him move. I am simply a vessel. Where Christ is fear got to pack its bags and go. So I will write with boldness and confidence knowing that God will give me the words to say. He will give me the words to type. It's not just me going through this but He is here with me. So I will walk in confidence because I'm walking with my Father and he is the best leader, teacher, and guide. He is my confidence. I will not put confidence in my own human ability/wisdom but instead His surpassing wisdom and understanding. Capturing His thoughts through my writing. 


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